Smoking Hot: Balancing Humility and Self Confidence

“SMOKN HT”

 

I laughed as I walked by the license plate at the airport parking lot, and wondered how the conversation at Department of Motor Vehicles went:

 

“Hi, I’d like to apply for a personalize license plate.”

 

The DMV staffer smiles: “OK- what would you like it to read?”

 

“Well. I’m trying to figure out a way to use ‘Smoking Hot’ without all the letters.”

 

Self-confidence.

 

I think you need to have a balance of humility and self-confidence in order to reach goals in life- and to simply be a normal person. Whenever I’ve been overly confident- maybe even a little cocky- I’ve gotten hit in the face with a frying pan. On the other hand, if you’re all humility and no self-confidence, that’s also a problem.

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One Group I’ll Leave Out

 

I’m excluding narcissists from this discussion. These are people who “tend to be selfish and self-involved and are usually unable to understand what other people are feeling. They expect others to think and feel the same as they do and seldom give any thought to how others feel. They are also rarely apologetic, remorseful, or guilty.”

 

By the way, here are two great songs about narcissists: Strange Brew (Cream) and On Your Way Down (Little Feat). Listen to the lyrics…

 

I mentioned narcissists, because I’ve had to deal with my share (maybe more than my share) of these people in recent years. Let’s leave this discussion to those of us who mean well, but sometimes don’t have our act together.

 

First, some definitions.

 

Humility and Self-Confidence: Defined

 

Humility means “a modest or low view of one’s own importance”. I’ll stick with modest view for this discussion. Self-confidence is “a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.”

 

I think both of these traits impact how I deal with failure. Do I have enough humility to admit fault and gain wisdom from a failure? In The Last Lecture, professor Randy Pausch explains, “experience is what you get, when you don’t get what you want.”

 

So, do I have the humility to recognize and use what I learn from failure?

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Some Thoughts on Failure

 

No such thing as failure- instead you’ve produced as result. Thomas Edison felt that each of his failures helped him gain wisdom, and failures got him closer to discovering the light bulb and other inventions. James Dyson worked on 5,127 prototypes (not a typo) before inventing the world’s first bagless vacuum cleaner.

 

I’ve had a Dyson for years, and swear by it.

 

Henry Ford puts it another way: “Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.”

 

Both Edison and Dyson knew where they were headed: they had a specific goal is mind. Without a goal, I drift, I lose confidence, I question myself.

 

Fear and Excitement

 

“The journey to greatness begins at the intersection of fear and excitement.”

 

This quote, from Alan Cohen, points out that every success has a real risk of fear, so how you I handle that fear? I have to be self-confident enough to accept the risk and move forward.

 

It’s impossible to avoid challenges if you attempt something difficult. In the book, A Separate Reality, Carlos Castaneda says: “A warrior sees everything as a challenge, while a ordinary man sees everything as either a blessing or a curse.”

 

Humans love the word “new”, and starting something new is exciting. But I need the self-confidence to overcome the obstacles- because they always get in the way. Lewis Carroll, the author of Alice in Wonderland said that: “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.”

 

If I know where I’m headed, you can manage fear more effectively.

 

So, how do I know if I’m making progress?

 

Measurable progress in reasonable time

 

Jim Rohn suggests making “measurable progress in reasonable time”, which makes sense to me. What do I consider reasonable? As time goes on, I have more patience when it comes to making progress. Experience (there’s that word again) tells me that it always takes longer than I think- so why sweat it?

 

The answer to the humility vs. self-confidence issue may be…. confident humility.

 

Confident humility

 

Yep- this term really exists, and it’s defined in the book: “Confident Humility: The Paradox of Successful Leadership.” Here are some quotes from the book:

 

“Confident humility is the confidence in a leader’s ability to make the right decision while acknowledging that they need others to do it right. It’s knowing what they don’t know and having trust in what they do.

 

As C.S. Lewis puts it ‘It’s not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.’ It means staying grounded, admitting that you don’t know everything and accepting that you still have a lot to learn.”

 

Inc.com has some thoughts on the subject:

 

“You’re not perfect- but you’re strong enough to face uncertainty. Humility helps you see your blind spots, own up to your mistakes, and develop your problem-solving skills.

 

Experts agree that emotional intelligence is important for productivity because it promotes self-motivation and emotional regulation. Those qualities also make it an excellent tool for improving your confidence without giving your ego the reins.”

 

So it turns out that you can have confidence, achieve goals- and not become a jerk in the process.

 

Who knew?

 

Food for thought.

 

 

Ken